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Duckloads: A Ductionary Definition

Ducks and Chucks,

What can I say? This duck loves carrots. I don't love carrots as much as pondweed, which is totally my favorite-ever food, but sometimes I get a craving for carrots and it lasts for weeks.

It also drives my partner Peacock Riley totally duckless.

"Why are so many ducking carrots in the fridge?" they cry, scraping their peacock talons across the shiny fridge exterior.

"Because I am having a carrot craving!" I reply.

"And what if I, Riley the Marvelous, suddenly have a vegan beetle craving and there's no room left for your carrots? How would you feel then?"

This is why I usually end up transporting a few wingfuls of carrots down to the basement where I keep my handy mini-fridge.

But the point is this: When I have a carrot craving, how many carrots do I buy? Absolutely DUCKLOADS. Because "duckloads" means the biggest amount of anything you can possibly have. Why? Because generally speaking, ducks aren't sizeist and have zero problem with comparing lots and lots of carrots, or whatever else they might be talking about, to their own weight.

My best frenemy Sir Mallard Jones HATES carrots. The last time I had DUCKLOADS of carrots in the house, he let out an enormous quacker-snort that hit my salad spinner right off of the sideboard, and told me he was going to go a long way away, just because of how much he hates having carrots around. And you know what? He really ducking did! He somehow managed to hire a hot air balloon (wealthy ducks just manage this stuff, apparently) and drift his way to a place in Australia where there are absolutely zero carrots. It took him seven weeks to make the balloon ride, and by the time he got there, I had ZERO carrots in my fridge. (That's what happens when I make DUCKLOADS of carrot cake. It doesn't last long.)

Abrupt change of topic, I know, but is my beak like a carrot? Yes it ducking is!

Is that a good thing? I'm a ducking work of art, my friends! A work of art with DUCKLOADS of taste and quite a bit of healthy fiber! Also, my beak glows in the dark. (Just joshing! But if I eat enough carrots, you never know....)

I'm sorry the human world is often like pond-crud right now. Please hug your duck-shaped cuddle-pillow tight and remember that you're super-ducking awesome.

Loves ya,

Duck T


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