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This Duck's Far Bigger Than Any Sewage-Leak Quackduckery (But I'll Follow My Inner Quack)

Ducks and Chucks,

Well, it's been a while since I sat down and got Star to transcribe a blog post while I quack out my truth at a rate of knots! The reason? Sewage. In fact, the following is a conversation between me and Star about our recent sewage crisis, and the fact that we are A DUCK OF A LOT BIGGER than some pesky sewage—even when it isn't ours and is in our basement.

Star: So, we're going to talk about sewage AGAIN?

Duck: You're a bit ducking sick of sewage, I take it?

Star: Well, when your basement starts to fill up with the stuff, and you discover it isn't even yours, and it's coming from a leaky pipe that's actually the city's responsibility and, for a while, it seems like said city is not going to deal with it, you do get a bit sick of sewage, don't you?

Duck: Well, that's why we gave the raw sewage THE FLIPPER and instead took off to your parents-in-law's house.

Star: Don't get me wrong. We were ducking lucky to have somewhere nice to go!

Duck: But the truth is, it wasn't as big a nightmare as we actually thought. The sewage didn't flood the place—or get into my delicate flippers—and yes we were in the apartment above the sewage, so there was the whole "inhaling sewage through your beak-holes" thing. But if we'd stayed, we'd have been ducking fine. We could have given leaving the Flipper instead.

Star: But it felt really gross. And the sewage was still leaking through. And we thought this was all a bit of a sign.

Duck: Honestly, several years ago, you and Other Duck had a similar sign. Something to do with an ark and lots of waist-high water, I think? Which would have been great for a duck, but I wasn't around back then.

Star: There wasn't an ark ....

Duck: Did I make that bit up? I do LOVE arks.

Star: .... But yes! We were living in an apartment complex and one of the apartments a few floors above ours had a fire, so we got home to find all the sprinklers that had gone off in the above apartments and had filled our own living space with waist-high water. The sofa was toast, as was most of our furniture, and forget the paperwork! That was soggier than your flippers after a good, long bath. We'd only gone out for a couple of hours! And once we'd got back, we were literally forced to move!

But the truth is, we'd been feeling it for a while—this idea that we were meant to move. We'd been ignoring it because life was stressful, and we were afraid of change.

Duck: The flooded apartment was pretty ducking stressful too though, wasn't it?

Star: No lie! And then there was that time, a couple of years later, when we decided to move to the U.K. and THIS nightmare happened, which we'd also have avoided if we'd just listened to the signs. Luck didn't seem to be ours from the beginning of that international move. It was one thing after another.

Duck: But that's how you found ME! And I'm your SUPER-DUCKING AWESOME DUCK!

Star: It's true. You arrived in our lives because we needed some ducking support, and you really, REALLY helped us to deal with the quackduckery. You helped us to see that we were BIGGER than all that, and that we could feel safe again.

Duck: I do have very comforting flippers. But anyway, are you saying that if you'd just listened to the way the duck-energy was going—with floods and international quackduckery—you'd have avoided all this?

Star: I am. We could kind of see it coming. So now, although we're delighted our landlord succeeded in getting the sewage thing mostly sorted out, we're also aware that the energy's shifted for us. It may be time for new horizons.

Duck: Trust your plush-duck radar. Your inner quack. Or whatever it is you have instead of an inner quack. YOU'LL know what the duck needs to happen if you listen to yourselves.

Star: WORD. Could not have put it better.

Duck: Aw, shucks. Now my beak is glowing. However, OMD, I have to go and rescue my spare hat! Mallard, my best duck-frenemy, who's been suffering from some indigestion, has started using it as a cushion, and I just have a FEELING this mightn't be such a good idea.

Star: Follow your quacktuition, Duck. That's the lesson, don't you think?


Anyway, that's exactly what I, Duck T, decided to do.

In terms of aroma, the cushion Mallard was sitting on isn't quite the cushion it used to be. but I bought some special lavender-scented duck-soap so that Star can give it a wash for me. They are DUCKLIGHTED about this and really looking forward to making it all better. Also, Mallard, if you're reading this, maybe lay off the seafood.

Loves ya,

Duck T.


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