Duck's Recipe for Crispy Leader á L'Orange—Because Who Doesn't Love a Good Roast?


Duck has dived into a mixing bowl, with his flippers hanging out.
Duck preparing his pondweed

Ducks,


Is one of your leaders ducking you off by not giving a quack or bullying you duckless? "Crispy and well-done" is a great way forward.


That said, this recipe is for ducks only.


[Star's disclaimer: Do not do this, tempting as it may be.]


Duck's Recipe for Crispy Leader á L'Orange


Ingredients:


One leader who has it coming

Ten beakfuls of freshly grated pondweed (take your time—it'll be worth it)

A sprinkle of smelling salts

Two liters of pond water

Two tablespoons of worm juice

One fresh frog (bileless)

Black pepper

Chili oil to taste

[Star's note: Where's the ducking orange?]


  1. Spread your leader out, truss them (recommended), and sprinkle with the freshly grated pondweed. If they sneeze, you may need to reapply.

  2. Soak your weeded leader in pond water and leave them out to dry. (If this takes more than a few hours, smelling salts may be needed).

  3. Place them in a medium-sized oven pan and drizzle them with worm juice. After a few twists of black pepper to taste, pop them into the oven at Duck Level Four for thirty minutes. (They may grumble about this. Ignore.)

  4. Once they're crispy and irate, pull them out and immediately douse with a squeeze of fresh frog (but be kind and make the amphibian think it's a cuddle).

  5. Tell them to close their eyes, then drizzle with chili oil.

  6. Stuff your leader's mouth with an apple. Note: This is purely for decoration, so a sour one will do.

  7. Serve, freshly roasted, ignoring any aggression from the dish in question. (If you have to address them, do so with eyebrows firmly raised.)


Serve hot and enjoy!


Over and out,

Duck