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Giving a Duck About You: A Personal Self-Care Duck List

Duck is wearing heart-shaped sunglasses as he snuggles with Peacock Riley (both are soft toys)
Duck and Riley


During this time of stress and duck-assery, it's vital to look after yourself. Not everyone on the pond finds this easy, of course—including yours truly.

That why this duck has a "self-care duck list." It's been making things a duck of a lot easier for me, actually, which is why I'm sharing it with you. By the way, my self-care duck list is paired with quotes from my operatic partner Peacock Riley—a self-confessed self-care maven.

[Note—If you're a goldfish or a beetle, it's self-caring to not read the following—Star.]

1. If you don't duck yourself, how you gonna duck somebody else? Look after you first, Duck. That's right—you. Not some other birdie on some other ducking pond. Not your boss Goose Luce, not Mallard ducking Jones, and not that flapster swan who stole your shades right off of your beak.

Duck it properly and take care of your inner duck.

"Riley knows that Riley's the most important peacock in Riley's world. So Riley puts Riley first. Then, if Riley's operatics are earning, Riley gives at least ten dollars to charity." —Peacock Riley

2. Surrender to a greater pond. I've never been a religious duck, but I do believe that believing in something that's bigger than me can be flipper-flapping helpful. So, Duck, when you're losing your ducking mind, surrender your problems to the spiritual pond. Say, "Hey! Spiritual pond! I'm a duck. Here are my problems. Suck 'em up—I trust you."

Then, seal that pond off in your mind with a huge pondweed shield, and don't go back and see what the pond's done with your ducking issues. Let that pond do its magic.

"Riley surrenders all Riley's problems to the True Essence of Peacock that is Anais Nin. Anais Nin does not know that Riley does this [Note that Riley believes Anais Nin is alive and in hiding, due to the ludicrous binaries of this world—Star], but from the roots of Riley's lucscious tail feathers, Riley is filled with gratitude." —Peacock Riley

3. Because you ducking deserve it. Every evening, Duck, just for having gotten through the day, duck yourself into a long duck-bath, and follow this with a dried-goldfish-seaweed-quacker snack [Don't tell the goldfish—Star]. That's your reward for ducking brilliantly, even when the world is completely quackers. Always remember: You ducking deserve it.

"Duck, don't eat any more of Riley's Lake Champlain champagne truffles or this peacock will peacock your duckie." —Peacock Riley

4. Laughter is therapy. Why did the chicken cross the pond? Because the pond had been ducking cheeky and told everyone the chicken's personal secrets, and what pond deserves loyalty when they've done that, hm?

Duck, don't you feel better now that I've told you this joke? [Are we sure it's a joke and not just a misunderstanding?—Star]

See, Duck? Humor's good.

"Having sung that energizing section of Bird Mozart, Riley is very tired. Has Duck seen Riley's velvet sleep-mask? Also, does Duck have the energy to squeeze Riley a fresh beetle juice?" —Riley

5. Say "No ducking way," and ask for help. Which reminds me, asking people for help is a good thing to do, Duck—even if you're only asking Amazon Prime or Etsy. Saying no when you don't have the energy is also a good thing to do—even if you're actually saying no to your own ri-duck-ulously high standards.

Be you, through and through.

"True friends always understand boundaries in Riley's experience, except for Toad Terence, who's a toad." —Riley

Do it, ducks.

Over and out,



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