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Ducks,
We're in the middle of a quacking pondemic [that's "pandemic" to humans—Star]. It's a duck-storm out there, especially for the less privileged, and if you're a minority person—or bird—you're my duck-darn hero.
Politically, we're in pigeon-poop. Birds are dying and attacking each other. The quacking President, Total Goose [can't disagree there—Star], is threatening to stay in power if he's voted out. And when was the last time you were able to buy Clorox wipes?
How the duck are you surviving this? You are ducking awesome.
Feel like you're staring death in the face every ducking day? I recommend investing a small, cuddly reaper (see below) and snuggling with them on a daily basis.
You can literally [hopefully not—Star] take death to bed with you and live to paddle another pond. It's doing wonders for my duckitude.
Also, you can buy a flocking fantastic beverage called Liquid Death. Other Duck, my special human pal, says it's great if you're trying to cut down on your beer intake, because apparently its prepared in a kind of "foamy beer" sort of way. That's right—it's "water beer" that contains no beer. You can beak-glug a load of it and feel like you're actually ingesting the reaper and surviving.
Which, of course, you are, because you're living through BOVID-19 [that's the bird version of COVID-19, not a typo—Star].
Also, Liquid Death uses environmentally friendly packaging and is all about protecting the pond from those awful, plastic bottles that frankly drive this duck totally ducking quackers.
Carry on, warrior ducks. This bird respects the quack out of you.
Over and out,
Duck T.