Ducks and Chucks,
This duck is tickled pink that you've invested in the following baby birds, who are totally ducking adorable from head to flippers. Wait until you hear how excited they are about the gifts you’re bringing them any ducking minute. They're about to burst out of their fuzz with duck-darn delight!
Will you look at this adorable duckling, for instance? She’s fallen asleep under a bush while waiting for you to deliver her new pink princess-themed pajamas with the frilly edging. She’s so keen-as-duckdown to receive this Disney Store gift, which you’ll no doubt be delivering within the hour, that she couldn’t sleep last night. Think of all the fluff she shed as she tossed and turned, pajamaless, with flipper-tickled excitement.
How could anyone ever disappoint her? No really. This duck wants to know.
And what about this quackers-adorable chick? His eyes are still little slits—that’s how tiny he is. But he’s totally ducking ready to open his beak to those morsels of chick-safe cupcake you said you’d bring. I bet you're flipper-flappin' eager to nestle him in the crook of your arm and teach him the true meaning of all-butter frosting! He's salivating just thinking about it.
All is not lost! Run and get that cupcake now or regret it forever!
As for this button-beaked gosling, he cannot wait for your arrival. It's super-ducking generous of you to offer him an extra-gentle fluff rub, using those special gosling-massage gloves you said you'd buy. Thank duck you've already invested in the necessary gear. Who the flock would want to disappoint this uber-cute rascal?
Duck in heaven, no! This delightful little chirper? Can you even imagine their duck-dorable face once they discover that the lavender-scented, brushed-cotton pillow you’d planned on bringing them tonight was accidentally dropped down the ducking lavatory? Seriously, beak-brain, they have yet to experience disappointment. How will they cope?
The shops are still open. Off you go.
And this cute-as-quack squawker! Beanie, he’s called. How duck-darn adorable will he look, wrapped in that hummingbird-themed chenille blanket you said you’d bring along? That’s why there’s such joy on his cute-as-cluck beak. The delight in those eyes could melt this duck's flippers. You cannot disappoint.
This baby blackbird has written you the cutest ducking thank you note this quacker's ever seen. Granted, their lettering is a little skewed, but they’ve put in a ton of effort, because only you would think to bring a bell, dangling on a ribbon, that this birdie can peck at whenever they want to play! Duckdammit, what a great idea! I told them about it this morning. Look at their eyes! So bright with expectation! Thank quack you’ve purchased that little bell, as promised.
Wait, don't tell me you forgot to purchase the little bell! REALLY? Of all the quackduckery! How will you feel if you don't deliver?
Off to the mall you go.
This duck is rarely moved to tears, but seeing little owlet telling her brother about the MP3 you’ve bought them got a ton of saline on my beak. Tonight, for the first time, they’ll both be able to fall asleep easily and tranquilly, in spite of the racket those beak-brained hawks have been making night after night. Honestly, who wouldn't be fed up with all those replays of Michael Jackson's Thriller?
Imagine! Their first-ever night of blissful sleep! We’re certain your email is on its way, any minute.
Wait—what do you mean, you haven’t purchased it yet? Quick! Before it’s TOO DUCKING LATE!
Please tell me you invested in the mirror ball for Cristabel's toadstool-themed coming out party? I mean, look! She’s ready for her first-ever boogie, and she’s planning on naming the moves after you!
Ouch! Those sharp stones have been duck-darn hard for this birdlet to walk on, given her tender, newborn toes. That’s why she cannot wait to receive those a-duck-able red bird-slippers with the fuzzy lining. How ducking thoughtful of you! She’s been jumping up and down, joyful as a pondweed party, counting the minutes until you arrive. Great work snapping the last pair before anybody else. You ducking rock.
Little Larry's tail feathers would be twitching with delight if he wasn’t too chilly to leave this orange blanket. Look at those peepers! They're beak-stuffed with good cheer. Why? Because of the extra-warm padded comforter you said you’d bring round. Yours truly has given him all the details, including the rose-colored lovebird pattern—turns out it’s going to look tail-tickling divine in his chick-sized bedroom. His delight runs so ducking deep that he's even invested in cake.
What? No, you cannot bring it next week! What kind of quacked-up question is that?
Frankly, this duck is stunned you could think of it.
Now, look. This duck realizes you've probably got some last-minute shopping today, so off you go—because trust me, you won't want to disappoint these tiny-beaked chicklets. Just imagine the tap-tap-tap of their ducking delightful chickie-feet as they run towards you, the light of expectation in their quacker-cute peepers. Because we all know a swagless chick grows up way too fast, so who’d be the one to let them down?
You? Nope. This duck does not believe it.
The pond's mall closes at five. Bring me back a duck-a-ccino, will you?