.png)
Ducks and Chucks,
This duck was super-ducking inspired last night, with no RuPaulogies. Here's the convo that Peacock Riley and I shared after the mother-ducking spectacle of gorgeousness that is Drag Race.
Duck: Riles, forgive a duck, but you look a bit down in the feathers.
Peacock Riley: Well, Riley loved Drag Race tonight. Sure, Jesus may be great, but Utica Queen is greater—no pressure—and as for Tamisha Iman, that dress she made is total pea-coquetterie. Yes, RuPaul, I'm excited to see her unleash the beast too.
Duck: The beast? I thought Ru said he wanted her to release the duck, no?
Peacock Riley: But Riley's feeling all limp-feathered because of Kahmora Hall! She was gorgeous last night. I mean, Riley understands the kind of perfectionism that drives a queen to spend duck-loads of time on her make-up.
Duck: It was ducking flawless!
Peacock Riley: Agreed. But the story she told about her boyfriend's cattitude towards her drag crushed Riley. It made me remember my ex, Peacock He-Cock.
Duck: That cheeseless pizza-face should be stuffed down an Edwardian black hole. If we meet again, I'll peck off all his feathers.
Peacock Riley: Well, as you know, Duck, Riley is a bird of hats, and Peacock He-Cock could never understand it. My drag identity, Alotta Potato, was born out of my love of ostentatious headgear, but back then, with He-Cock being such a bad egg, if I even so much as donned a diamond-studded pageboy cap, he wouldn't be seen dead with me.
Duck: Well, it's his lucky day, because once that beak-head feels the wrath of my beak, I'll make sure he can be seen dead with everyone.
Peacock Riley: You know how Michelle Visage told Tamisha, "Don't go small?"
Duck: Personally, I like to go small.
Peacock Riley: Michelle was actually talking about Tamisha's dance at the time...
Duck: Oh.
Peacock Riley: But for Riley, "Don't go small" also rings true when it comes to hats. (Riley adores sizeable headgear.) And Riley was all gooey-tailed about Peacock He-Cock—so much so that I didn't care how small he made me feel.
Duck: Didn't that beak-face start to hide your hats?
Peacock Riley: Yes, but he always put them under the bed, because he really sucked at hiding.
Duck: But Riles, you're a flamboyant queer peacock! You're marvelous and outrageous, and that's what I love about you! When He-Cock rejected your hats, he wasn't honoring your true pea-coquetterie.
Peacock Riley: There must be lots of us who know what it feels like to be nuts about some wonderful plastic bubblegum princess, even though they don't give a hoot about where they stick their love-gum.
Duck: Which usually means it gets stuck to one of my giant flippers.
Peacock Riley: It's true. One bad egg can bring the whole team down.
Duck: Instead of the biggest struggle-bus ever, in my humble ducking opinion, what Kahmora Hall deserves is someone who loves every part of her divine self—including that dazzling diamond-studded gown. But what do I ducking know? Gotta let others live their own lives.
Peacock Riley: Give Riley that stunning dress of Kahmora's—plus Tamisha's gorgeous white fascinator—and Riley would look positively bridal.
Duck: You know what I always say when people ask me where my wife is? I say, "Shantay, I'm gay!"
Peacock Riley: Riley loves that! Shantay, Riley too, for being high-femme, non-binary, pansexual, hat-loving peacock drag queen. And shantay, you, Duck, because you get to gaze at this face every morning.
Duck: Shantay, you gorgeous non-binary peacock pansexual.
Peacock Riley: Caagh!
Duck: Mmm, some pan-fried salmon wouldn't go amiss...
Peacock Riley: I love that Riley's pansexual identity makes you want to stuff your beak with cripsy-fried, sustainable, wild-caught fish with a side of roast potatoes.
Duck: Alotta Potato? That's my kinda dish.
Peacock Riley: As are you, duckie-doo.
Enjoyed this post? Why thank you, friend! Please sign up for my e-mail list here, so we birds can stay in touch. Also, you can like my FB page here and find out more about we birds here.
You, ducks and chucks! You.
Over and out,
Duck