Ducks and Chucks,
This duck was super-ducking inspired last night, with no RuPaulogies. Here's the convo that Peacock Riley and I shared after the mother-ducking spectacle of gorgeousness that is Drag Race.
Duck: Riles, forgive a duck, but you look a bit down in the feathers.
Peacock Riley: Well, Riley loved Drag Race tonight. Sure, Jesus may be great, but Utica Queen is greater—no pressure—and as for Tamisha Iman, that dress she made is total pea-coquetterie. Yes, RuPaul, I'm excited to see her unleash the beast too.
Duck: The beast? I thought Ru said he wanted her to release the duck, no?
Peacock Riley: But Riley's feeling all limp-feathered because of Kahmora Hall! She was gorgeous last night. I mean, Riley understands the kind of perfectionism that drives a queen to spend duck-loads of time on her make-up.
Duck: It was ducking flawless!
Peacock Riley: Agreed. But the story she told about her boyfriend's cattitude towards her drag crushed Riley. It made me remember my ex, Peacock He-Cock.
Duck: That cheeseless pizza-face should be stuffed down an Edwardian black hole. If we meet again, I'll peck off all his feathers.
Peacock Riley: Well, as you know, Duck, Riley is a bird of hats, and Peacock He-Cock could never understand it. My drag identity, Alotta Potato, was born out of my love of ostentatious headgear, but back then, with He-Cock being such a bad egg, if I even so much as donned a diamond-studded pageboy cap, he wouldn't be seen dead with me.
Duck: Well, it's his lucky day, because once that beak-head feels the wrath of my beak, I'll make sure he can be seen dead with everyone.
Peacock Riley: You know how Michelle Visage told Tamisha, "Don't go small?"
Duck: Personally, I like to go small.
Peacock Riley: Michelle was actually talking about Tamisha's dance at the time...
Peacock Riley: But for Riley, "Don't go small" also rings true when it comes to hats. (Riley adores sizeable headgear.) And Riley was all gooey-tailed about Peacock He-Cock—so much so that I didn't care how small he made me feel.
Duck: Didn't that beak-face start to hide your hats?
Peacock Riley: Yes, but he always put them under the bed, because he really sucked at hiding.
Duck: But Riles, you're a flamboyant queer peacock! You're marvelous and outrageous, and that's what I love about you! When He-Cock rejected your hats, he wasn't honoring your true pea-coquetterie.
Peacock Riley: There must be lots of us who know what it feels like to be nuts about some wonderful plastic bubblegum princess, even though they don't give a hoot about where they stick their love-gum.
Duck: Which usually means it gets stuck to one of my giant flippers.
Peacock Riley: It's true. One bad egg can bring the whole team down.
Duck: Instead of the biggest struggle-bus ever, in my humble ducking opinion, what Kahmora Hall deserves is someone who loves every part of her divine self—including that dazzling diamond-studded gown. But what do I ducking know? Gotta let others live their own lives.
Peacock Riley: Give Riley that stunning dress of Kahmora's—plus Tamisha's gorgeous white fascinator—and Riley would look positively bridal.
Duck: You know what I always say when people ask me where my wife is? I say, "Shantay, I'm gay!"
Peacock Riley: Riley loves that! Shantay, Riley too, for being high-femme, non-binary, pansexual, hat-loving peacock drag queen. And shantay, you, Duck, because you get to gaze at this face every morning.
Duck: Shantay, you gorgeous non-binary peacock pansexual.
Peacock Riley: Caagh!
Duck: Mmm, some pan-fried salmon wouldn't go amiss...
Peacock Riley: I love that Riley's pansexual identity makes you want to stuff your beak with cripsy-fried, sustainable, wild-caught fish with a side of roast potatoes.
Duck: Alotta Potato? That's my kinda dish.
Peacock Riley: As are you, duckie-doo.
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You, ducks and chucks! You.
Over and out,