top of page

Seven Reasons To Give That Toxic Relationship The Flipper

Ducks and Chucks,

I, Duck T, am totally duck-lighted to share a simple duck tradition with you: giving the flipper. We waterfowl give the flipper (an act that's pictured above) to draw a proud line in the pond-slop—one that says to folks who don't honor us, "You need to go away now and take your behavior with you."

But this tradition isn't only for flipper-owners. You, dear humans and claw-owning birds, can give the flipper too. It's about asking the question, how can I best draw the line or leave this person/bird?

To be a helpful kind of bird, here are seven ways in which I, Duck T, work out whether it's time to give the dedicated flipper:

1. You're told that your own heartfelt way of ducking is wrong: No matter what has happened to you, you are ducking fabulous. You try to duck ethically and you live your life from the heart. Sure, you've probably made mistakes (we ducks are huge ducking fans of learning from mistakes), but you're doing the best you can. That's all life's about, in my humble duck-pinion: Paddling from the heart and learning as you go.

Anyone who tells you that your own way of loving/learning/being is anything less than super-ducking awesome can duck right off. Flipper given.

Here's an uplifting piece of truth from Dominee of BlessingManifesting on Instagram:

2. No one else can say what's best for you—Here's what this duck believes: Your body, mind, and heart are yours alone. You know what's best for you. You know what's right for you. You know what agrees with your own ethics. You know when someone is attacking you, even if they're a genius at making it seem like they're not.

Gaslighting, my feathered friends, is never acceptable, in my own ducking opinion. Yours truly never forgets that emotional safety is vital from beak to flippers.

For my own part, if anyone's tried—or is trying—to act as if my body/beak/heart/mind are either "not good enough" or should be subject to anyone else's values and judgments rather than my own, flipper shall be given.

You deserve to have your needs met and to stand proud in this world. Here's a beautiful artistic affirmation from Faridunia, Soul Artist, on Instagram:

3. You needn't throw your love into a big, toxic sea—When we give toxic people the flipper, we have more energy to be loving to both ourselves and the rest of the world. That's just one reason why, in this duck's humble opinion, turning away from any toxic pond is a powerful act of love.

I'm raising my flipper just thinking about it.

Here we are on Instagram, giving the flipper to transphobia:

4. You deserve always-good, not sometimes-good—Yes, it can be hard to leave a toxic relationship because we convince ourselves that the person involved is "trying their best" or "doesn't know what they're doing" or "did at least one thing a day that was nice." But listen here, ducky-doo, because in my feather-plucking opinion, you deserve always good, not sometimes good, and you deserve never cruel, not sometimes cruel, and you deserve always supported, not sometimes supported.

I always remind myself to remember this: You deserve to be loved, Duck T, as much as you are loving.

Dr. Courtney Tracy, The.Truth.Doctor on Instagram, has some very wise words about this:

5. Being yourself is not causing "issues"—I often tell myself the following: If you, Duck T, a queer duck, are told that simply being yourself in this world is "causing others issues," that's total pond-slop. And having your needs met is not "causing issues" either.

I love this note from the amazing Jeffrey Marsh, teacher of healing and non-binary rights, on Instagram:

Protect your beautiful self, duckie dear.

My flipper's proudly raised on your behalf.

6. Would you condone this treatment if someone else was the victim?—I've always found. that a good way of knowing whether it's flipper time is to ask myself, "Would I want anyone else to put up with this pond-slop?" If the answer is no, then surely you need to give yourself the same love as you'd offer anyone else.

Just my opinion, but if you ask me, it's flipper time.

Only you can know if it's time to give a toxic relationship the flipper. And only you can know exactly how to give it the flipper. But you know what can help? Therapy! We ducks are big believers in paddling on over to a trusted therapist, who can help us to see with more clarity. So, if you think therapy is a good path forward, here's a link to a Psychology Today directory that can help you to find a therapist that's right for you.

Want more of my flipper-support? Why not follow me and Star [transcriber of this blog!] on Instagram:

Loves ya,

Duck T.


bottom of page