Scandal: How Mallard Jones Ducked Up Shakesbeak's Duckbeth, Live On Stage


Duck, dressed in an Elizabethan king's costume, is onstage.
Duck, playing Duckbeth.

Ducks and Chucks,


As some of you already know, our amateur production of Shakesbeak's Duckbeth recently hit the pond. And yes, yours truly was a bit of a beak-brain and agreed to take TWO roles—the starring role, as well as First Duck Witch—in order to save the production. You see, Mallard Jones was meant to be playing Duckbeth, but he revealed, late in the day, that he suffers from such MASSIVE stage fright that he was considering fleeing to Scotland and leaving us high and dry.


On opening night, however, Mallard spent the entire first night photo-bombing me all over the stage. Since this meant HE WAS ACTUALLY ON STAGE, why he didn't have performance anxiety about THAT?


Sir Mallard, wearing a top hat and tux, photo-bombs Duck, during Duckbeth, by peering over Duck's shoulder.
Sir Mallard, photo-bombing Duck, during Duckbeth.

Suffice it to say that Mallard's photo-bombing REALLY AFFECTED THE WHOLE PRODUCTION, especially since I was playing two characters who actually interact with each other. Yes, I had to TALK TO MYSELF ON STAGE.


Duck is dressed in a witch's outfit, onstage. His outfit includes corset, with full cleavage that clearly belongs on a human).
Duck as First Duck Witch.

Imagine doing that, pursued by Mallard in his newest tux, taking selfies. Unbe-ducking-lievable. No wonder the audience was confused. And from the frozen shock all over my face, you can see I was just as thrown as they were. At least they didn't have to put up with Mallard's potato-chip breath. Which reminds me:


The production was sponsored by various duck-branded snacks, including Ducker's Yam Chips. That's why, when playing Duckbeth, it wasn't just a dagger I saw before me. As you can see from the photo, it was also a tasty snack, caused by the king's junk-food cravings:


Duck, dressed as Duckbeth on stage, this time wields a dagger, as well as a branded packet of chips.

Okay, ducks and chucks. If you'd like more gossip on the whole Duckbeth ordeal, including the strangely romantic entanglement that ensued backstage between Acts One and Two, sign up for my monthly letter from the pond:

I hope you're looking after yourselves, my duckie friends.


Loves ya,

Duck