Ducks and Chucks,
After watching RuPaul's Drag Race last night, Riley revealed something ducking amazing—and it was all thanks to Denali's beautiful bird realness, pictured above. (Sadly, Peacock Riley and I are so darn excited that we've made Denali look fuzzy. Apologies, queen.)
Peacock Riley: Denali! Gorgeous! If a cockatoo, a prom dress, a humorous ice-cream factory, and a shredded feather duster shared a night of boisterous love, they'd probably give birth to Denali's runway look.
Duck: Woah-ho-ducking-ho! But what was it you said earlier about a canary?
Peacock Riley: Well, when I, Peacock Riley, was a chick, I was actually a radiant blue canary.
Duck: Wow! You could blow down my ducking flag factory, I'm that amazed.
Peacock Riley: There I was, blue as you like, assigned both male and canary at birth, then one day, while my mom was playing Cher in kitchen, I started to molt my canary feathers. Three weeks later, Riley the Glorious was a full-blown peacock. Which is interesting, because I'd always felt like a peacock.
Duck: Is that when you started taking they/them pronouns?
Peacock Riley: Yes. Riley basically gave up on normativity. Like Symone, once I'd found my peacockness I finally felt seen.
Duck: Drag took all Symone's fear away, and peacock took all your canary away.
Peacock Riley: But Riley was very upset about Kahmora's elimination last night.
Duck: Sorry—did I miss something? Kahmora eliminated something? I totally have to tweet about that. What the flock did she eliminate and was she in her dragon costume at the time?
Peacock Riley: No, silly! She was sent home.
Duck: Sent homo?
Peacock Riley: Home, duck! You know home—it's the place where Riley ends up doing all the vacuuming.
Duck: Oh right! Yes, Kahmora's exit really flopped my flippers. Gone with the wind, she is, like a canary smooching a bedazzled leafblower.
Peacock Riley: Kahmora was one of my faves! And now she's been shed!
Duck: Like snakeskin on a runway.
Peacock Riley: Or an egg in a storm.
Duck: Maybe she'll be tree-in-carnated.
Peacock Riley: Or maybe she's just sitting in the Pork Chop Loading Dock.
Duck: Oh NOOOO! Not the PORK CHOP ducking LOADING DOCK! It's the RuPaul Takeout Experience all over again! They'll cover her in herbs and cracked black pepper and have her delivered to her worldwide fans with some kind of CRISPY SALAD!
Peacock Riley: Duck, Kahmora's going to be fine. Not once have I seen her seasoned, and anyway, where would Ru get the gravy?
Duck: Surely Ru's constantly covered in gravy.
Peacock Riley: Including that pussy bow.
Duck: Hmm. Now I'm hungry. Want me to get us a whoopie pie?
Peacock Riley: Serve me.
Thanks for reading this ridiculousness! Want to find out more about these ducking birds? Join Duck's e-mail list here and read the birds' profiles here!