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No, Lemon Jelly, Not All the Ducks Are Swimming on the Water

Good afternoon, fellow ducks.

Now, I'm a big ducking fan of Brit band Lemon Jelly, especially "Nice Weather for Ducks" (see above). But as your duck-visibility activist, I'll remind you that not all the ducks are swimming on the water—especially during the current pondemic (that's a waterfowl pandemic, newbies). Seriously, it's dead as a dodo on the water, these days. (Editor's note: Apologies to all dodos.)

But even when they are on the pond, not all ducks are swimming in a stereotypical way.

Below, I'll share the stories of a few ducks from the pond where I work as a pond manager, who are shattering stereotypes and being political, too. Prepare to be ducking humbled:

Duck T. is posing in front of a painting of the pug version of Michael Jackson
Duck T. paying homage to the pug version of Michael Jackson (artist unknown)

Liam the Backwards—Ever since Michael Jackson's tragic demise, my friend Liam, a die-hard Jackson fan, has insisted on only paddling backwards a la Moonwalk. This makes it challenging for the poor dude to catch a breadcrumb, but he's ducking committed. Color this bird impressed.

If you're too young to know what a Michael Jackson Moonwalk is, click here and behold true greatness.

Shandy, aka "CircleDuck"—Ducks often wonder why Shandy, aka CircleDuck, only swims in circles. Some say it's because she's ballet-trained. Others think it's a clever branding strategy. But this duck's gone to the trouble of actually asking, instead of indulging in pond gossip, and you know what Shandy told me? Her passion for left-wing politics has become so strong that her right wing has grown noticeably larger than her right wing. So, of course she swims in ducking circles.

It's physics, people.

Coot Kurt—Why has Coot Kurt floated on the spot for four ducking years? Because he was so devastated by the results of the last ducking election that he vowed to not move a muscle until the next one. It's called a statement, people—something many ducks are unafraid of.

Fortunately, diet-wise, the fish swim to him.

That's all from me, folks. Stay ducking awesome.

--Duck T.


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