Ducks and Chucks,
Now, as I was saying to Star Williams just the other day, "If you're going to jab me in the wing with a sharp needle, have the good sense to give me some notice, ducknabbit."
I say this because of the absolute quackduckery of the past week. Yes, we ducks are attempting to roll out vaccinations, but why are there no ducking appointments? Why am I, a front-pond worker, still unvaccinated? And why do I get the feeling that I'm going to have an appointment suddenly jumped on me, so that I don't have any time to build up to the duck-darn thing?
I'm a fear pecker. Just saying.
Worse still, I have it on good authority that Mallard Jones has been zooming around on his motorboat, looking swanky, making certain geese get so dreamy-eyed that they're actually forgetting their vaccination appointments. See the above photo for proof.
Secondly, though it's admirable that so many birds are setting up entrepreneurial ventures, it would be nice if they'd actually follow social distancing guidelines. Wear a mask, duckdammit!
Also, Duck Dandy (pictured in balloon basket) needs to get that eye seen to. They look like they might be coming down with a nasty case of human-eyesis.
Moving on, much as I respect Goose Luce, our Pond CEO, she's never in her office anymore. This wouldn't matter so much if she had her cell phone handy, but no. She's too busy lounging around underneath her fancy ceiling fan at home, because frankly, the pondemic's enough to make any bird give up on being a chief executive anything.
Finally, all sorts of reports have been coming in about ducks taking monumental risks once they've received their jabs. Take a look at my cousin Flippy below—she's always been great at yoga, but this is ri-duck-ulous:
Neat greeting card, Flippy, but what happens if that elephant has a feather allergy? One sneeze through that trunk and you'll be pot pie.
Okay. This duck is off to calm the duck down.
Hang in there, ducks and chucks, whatever your species, and remember: We'll all get through this, even if our feathers get soldered to our flippers in the process.