According to the duck section of the Independent, twenty years ago a load of kickass mallards took on the locusts in Pakistan and won. Why? We ducks apparently guzzle locusts by the beakful and are great at sticking together, which makes us a mean grasshopper-gobbling duck machine.
And this year, we ducks apparently downed another load of these peppery insects, because Pakistan's locust population was out-of-ducking-control.
Yes, earlier in 2020, China is said to have sent 100,000 of us to Zhejiang to help with the grasshopper-guzzling (though some sources say we never ducking went). The number sounds like overkill, but unless we ducks have knives and forks, we eat pretty slowly. [Hmm, this may be misinformation—Star.]
As for yours truly, unless you're gonna put tempura on those pesky critters, this duck will always bow out. No locusts are getting past this sensitive beak. And therein, my friends, lies the problem with mass stereotyping: Send all the ducks you like—at least one of them will be sneaking off to get popcorn.
Over and out,
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