Ducking Shocking! We Ducks Were Meant To Be Guarding The Capitol.


Anxious Duck is being comforted by his partner Peacock Riley
Duck being comforted by his partner Riley

Ducks,


First of all, I'm so ducking sorry. Yes, we birds were meant to be backing up the police to help keep the Capitol safe. It's just that we ducks have such a quackers-short attention span and when we were planning, I TOTES MISSED the fact that goldfish fritters were going to be on sale at Whole Broods Market—which is in the opposite direction to the Capitol.


The result? The desired effect, but in the wrong ducking place. See below:


As pond manager, it's down to me to make sure that we don't do that whole "go ducking nuts without thinking" thing. The problem is that I love to stuff my beak with those duck-licious salty snacks, so yours truly was the very first duck to be living it large at Whole Broods Market when the Capitol was being raided.


And yes, duck-nabbit, I totally forgot.


BUT OH MY FLAPPERS, CAN YOU BLAME ME? GOLDFISH FRITTERS ARE SO DUCKING DELICIOUS! All the same, have you seen the ingredients? No wonder those morsels of heaven are playing havoc with my dry beak.


Let's face it. Not only would guarding the Capitol have been the best thing ethically, but it would also have been FAR BETTER for our sodium levels.


But this duck is ready for next time! I've set so many ducking reminders in my d-Phone for January 20th that we'll be there to guard the proceedings EVEN IF OUR BEAKS FALL OFF. Whole Broods Market could have a sale on sacks of kippers and it still wouldn't matter. This pond manager is reporting for duty and NOTHING is going flippers-up, I promise.


For duck and country.


Over and out,

Duck T.