Ducks and Chucks,
Help! Really! This is ducking bad! My image has been put all over various Redbubble products. Yes, I consented to this in a moment of quackduckery. But here I am now, chewing nervously on my left flipper, unable to stress HOW WORRIED I AM.
Look at the comforter above, for example. When you multiply my strong-and-worthy flipper giving by a hundred, doesn't that potentially scare people a bit? And how much comfort can a duck be, when their flipper-giving has been amplified like that? Isn't that a bit intimidating? Isn't that more flipper than anyone can handle?
Plus it gets worse. Look at this:
My face is LITERALLY ALL OVER your shower curtain! You can call the police for that sort of thing, you know! There you are, taking a long, soapy shower, and suddenly you remember: Duck T is hovering around right outside, his flipper brazenly raised! And what are you going to do when you need to climb out? It's not as if I can pass you a ducking towel!
And a clock, for duck's sake? No, this totally gets the flipper! Yes, that's right, ducks and chucks—by rejecting this clock, I am actually giving myself the flipper. But it's not as if I'm in charge of your time, you know! What if someone's late for work and they blame it on me? "You're ON the ducking clock," they'll tell me. "Why didn't you warn me I was spending too long eating my pondweed croissant?"
And I cannot apologize enough for this one. Women and non-binary people have enough to deal with without having a random stranger attached to their bodies. It makes me look like I'm some stalker who's just hovering around your casual clothing, hoping you'll agree to meet me for coffee, when you've probably already told me no once. It's simply NOT OKAY.
And what about the PANTS?
As if this wasn't all enough, my flipper-giving image is now available on coasters, mugs, fridge magnets, greeting cards, caps, all kinds of clothing, a tapestry (a DUCKING TAPESTRY!), and lots more. You can even buy it as bored art. [That's "board art" actually, as in "art on a board"—Star] Who the duck wants to buy bored art? If the art's ducking bored, so is its audience.
Star promises me they're going to talk me off of this cliff over lunch—and if they don't succeed, they've promised to take all my products down. So if you read this post after noon on November 19th, I have, by some extraordinary miracle, become okay with all this. In fact, I'll actually have green-lighted it.
HOW COULD I BE OKAY WITH ALL THIS? No one knows as yet.
Anyway, check out my store here:
And you can check out Trans Robot's store here:
Hope all is well with you, my trusty ducks and chucks.