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Dry Mouth? Dry Beak? This Duck's Got Your Back


Two weeks ago, this duck's beak had never been drier. It was the result of one long pondemic [that's pandemic for humans—Star]. After all, when you're only allowed four hours a week on the pond, compared to your usual full-time hours, and you have to wear a face mask while you're at it, the beak suffers. Fact of life.

Drinking water didn't help. I was uncomfortable all night long, and when I did sleep, my snoring was so ducking loud that my partner, Peacock Riley, had started sleeping in the loft. But even this didn't help with the overall vibration that spread through the building on my every quack-exhale. (On the plus side, Riley's neck has never been so well-massaged.)

A simple pondweed-water spray just wasn't enough. So, what the duck to do?

Well, Riley did a little online research, which is how we found out about warm water humidifiers, which are apparently especially good for snoring—ours is a Vicks Warm Mist Humidifier—and also Biotene Dry Mouth Oralbalance Moisturizing Gel.

Sure, you have to clean your warm water humidifier once a week, but it's not too fiddly a process. We run the thing all night. It makes a soft purring sound, which interrupted my sleep a little at first—ducks and cats are not a safe combo—but once I got used to it, the results were duck-tacular.

This bird's beak is at least seventy percent drier. [Please note, no rigorous measurements were made. Also, Duck's recommendations totally helped my dry mouth too—Star]

Now, onto the Biotene Dry Mouth Oralbalance Moisturizing Gel. (A side note: Next time Biotene names a product, they should remember that ducks have less puff than humans, which makes it harder to talk about their ducking awesome product.) This duck reapplies the gel twice a night and so far, it's totally rocked my flappers.

The taste isn't bad either. It's like a cross between strawberries and duck pondweed candies. [Don't let that put you off, humans. It's not bad at all.]

Please take care of your beaks, folks. And if you end up buying one of the above products, thank you very ducking much, because Star, myself, and Other Duck will receive a little cash towards an Amazon gift card, with which we can invest in goldfish crackers. We'll think of you with every bite.

That said, I believe you can buy the above at many different places, including Target and the Duck Emporium.

Loves ya.

Over and out,



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