Ducks and Chucks,
How are you, my fellow flappers? I, your trusty duck blogger, have been taking a much-needed break from the pond in order to write a brand new Ductionary—that's a guide that shares intriguing words and phrases from the Duck World, with a duck-load of stories thrown in.
Here's a beaky sneak-peek—a definition [loosely speaking! —Star] of a very posh duck word:
“A-ductually” is often used by smart ducks instead of the word "actually." If you use it, “a-ductually” can open doors. But it often has an air of classism about it. Some birds use it to insinuate that their flippers are posher than yours. And when isn't that offensive?
Sir Mallard Jones, my best frenemy, likes to say “a-ductually.” In fact, he once used the word to win a televised debate against my partner Peacock Riley. The subject of the debate was “Should non-aquatic birds learn how to swim at primary school?” But it turned out poor Riley, who's all about letting birds choose whether they want a soaking, had no chance of winning.
In this debate, Mallard, who was arguing that non-aquatic birds should totally learn to paddle at primary school, used “a-ductually” five times during the debate. That’s enough to duck any bird off! The final time he used it, he said, “A-ductually, swimming cleanses the feathers and would absolutely freshen up the atmosphere, especially at bird-supermarkets—where, by the way, I never shop because I’m an aristocrat who has servants for that sort of thing. But I hear supermarkets smell of crispy feathers, which is certainly an issue, unless you a-ductually like it that way.”
Mallard’s repeated use of “a-ductually” really got Riley’s feathers up. Riley's exact words were, “How was that playing fair? Talk about micro-aggressions!” Now, when Riley gets angry, they get diva-angry, which is why, after Mallard had used “a-ductually” for the fifth time, Riley went on immediate strike by completely ignoring Mallard and stuffing their beak with Goduckva chocolates instead.
This may have lost Riley the debate, but since they were live on air at the time, they also happened to score a job as a Goduckva brand ambassador. That sort of thing happens a lot to Riles. They are a magical, time-traveling peacock, after all.
There we go, ducks and chucks! Thanks for reading. I'll be sharing more from the Ductionary here over the coming weeks. Until then, I hope you have a ducking great weekend!